| sleepless in toronto |
[16 Mar 2007|06:05am] |
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mood |
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 exhausted, but sleepless |
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music |
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Have You Forgotten - Red House Painters |
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Next time you wish upon a star... will you pretty please wish that I could get just one wink of sleep?
I haven't been able to close my eyes and stop my mind for a week. I've had to trick myself or drug myself into sleeping.
Life is just too stimulating sometimes. And right now I don't mean that in a good way.
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[10 Dec 2006|02:43am] |
If the power structure of relationships was compared to the power structure of prostitution, I would be the pimp and not the ho.
</random>
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[18 Jul 2006|03:37am] |
Attention to those in livejournal land:
As you can tell, I don't really post here much anymore. This thing is filled with cobwebs and dust and old memories which I'd rather not see right now.
Just to let everyone know, I recently started a little website and a corresponding blog @ suburb-queen.com. So, if you would like to stay current on my life or read some of my writing, check out my site.
suburb-queen.com/jess
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[26 Jun 2006|05:54pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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Schedule for Fall/Winter Term at York 2006/2007
Monday
10:30-12:30pm Introduction to Social Anthropology
1:30-2:30pm Intro. to Social Anthropology Tutorial
Tuesday
11:00-12:00pm The Literary Tradition on English
12:00-2:00pm French 2510
Wednesday
12:00-3:00pm Western Feminism in a Cultural Context
3:00-6:00pm 20th Century Drama in Europe and North America
Thursday
10:00-11:00am The Literary Tradition of English Tutorial
11:00-12:00pm The Literary Tradition of English Lecture
12:00-2:00pm French 2510
IM SO FUCKING EXCITED!!!
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[20 May 2006|10:29am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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music |
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banana pancakes - jack johnson |
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Annnnd the long weekend has arrived. Meaning my parents are away and also meaning, PARTY AT MY HOUSE both tonight and tomorrow night.
Who's up for it?
Jen? April? I wanna see you lovely ladies here.
Honestly, anyone else who wants to come. It's going to be a funfunfun time. Just reply here if you need my address or give me a call 940-0249
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| teddy boy |
[24 Jan 2006|07:58am] |
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mood |
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groggy |
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music |
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Frank and Nancy Sinatra - Something Stupid |
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oh teddy boy, i see you there through the window. you never used to look my way. i'd watch you through the window of the tea shop, skulking down penny lane in your drainpipes and slicked back 'do. always a scowl on your face and your beat-up six-string slung on your back. i was always just the girl who sat behind you in art class. you never came to class and when you did you never noticed me-- little Cyn Powell with her mousey brown hair and big dumb spectacles.
that's why i'm initiating operation teddy girl makeover right away. first step: dye hair blonde. second step: style like bridgette bardot. third step: new outfit. black. tight. spiffy.
and in the end, i'll have you teddy boy. you may not know it yet, john lennon, but one day i know our names will be together in lights.
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[25 Dec 2005|10:35am] |
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mood |
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merry |
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music |
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The Band - The Weight |
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Happy, happy Christmas everyone!
Hope Santa brought all the toys and goodies on his sleigh that he wanted
And I hope that everyone has a special someone to hug and kiss them under the mistletoe
And I hope everyone can be surrounded by family, friends, laughter, warm fires, and egg nog (with some rum in it).
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[30 Nov 2005|11:53am] |
All you lovely people on my flist.
I beg of you! Listen to my radio show tonight on CKRG 89.9 FM if you live in Toronto If not, you can still listen by going to ckrg.glendon.yorku.ca/ and streaming it. :D
I'll be on between 4 and 6 pm EST. I'll be playing a bit of everything.
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[21 Nov 2005|07:45pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Ben Folds - Jesusland |
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DIGITAL CAMERA OBTAINED.
Pictures coming soon! *squee*
My life and my brain are back to normal again.
I feel like a fully functioning, happy human being again and I love it.
I have a list of goals that is ten bullets long
and a future that is slightly mapped out
and a camera to document my adventures with
and a month long break from school beginning December 6th
and also a Women's Studies essay to finish by Wednesday...
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| life rant #1 |
[07 Nov 2005|07:44pm] |
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mood |
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 drained |
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There are often times throughout my days when I wonder- what the fuck is life anyway? What is the meaning? Is there some grand scheme laid out for me to follow? But then I get all existential on myself and that grand scheme, that road map is torn to shreds. Life has no meaning and we are all direction-less until we make direction for ourselves.
I'm beginning to think that really life is about some sort of happy medium. Somewhere between jubilant closed-faith zealot and pessimistic, angry nihilist-existentialist. Life is about rejoicing in the happy moments and trying overcome the not-so happy ones. Things don't just happen for no reason. Randomly. Everyone you meet in life has some sort of purpose. You are supposed to learn from them and they are supposed to learn from you. Whether it be learning from their mistakes or expanding your knowledge base or simply learning how to let go and have fun.
Everything that happens to you is a learning experience and a chance for you to grow and learn about yourself as a person, a university course that's taught about things that truly matter- life, love, happiness, responsibility, co-operation, choice.
I resent these scholars who think they're so brilliant saying that CHOICE doesn't exist. Of course, choice fucking exists. They say it doesn't exist because there really are only two options: the shitty option and the slightly less shitty option. They clearly must be unhappy, lonely people. How is anyone ever supposed to be happy if they believe that life is a series of choices that only lead to unhappiness? Choice is all about what you make it out to be. Choice is about creating your own options and choosing between them. Choice is what makes us human and choice is the option that allows us the opportunity to be happy.
Never mind fate vs. freewill. Never mind choice vs. no choice. I say choice equals life.
So tomorrow I am going to meet a new person, they are going to ask me questions and I'm going to answer them and I'm going to recognize and realize that I can learn something from them and take something from my meeting with them.
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[30 Oct 2005|05:20pm] |
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mood |
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 hurt |
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music |
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Hanson - Believe |
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There seems to be a common reoccurance of me falling down stairs.
Last night it was due to darkness, slight drunkeness, and sheer stupidity.
Now my left ankle is swollen and my tailbone hasn't hurt this much since I used to fall on it in skating.
I wonder if this says anything about my mental stability or more importantly my balance?
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[29 Oct 2005|02:56am] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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ayyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
and that is all i have to say.
scratch that. tonight sucks ass.
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[23 Oct 2005|01:18pm] |
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mood |
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 annoyed |
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Currently there are two pots of water boiling on the stove for me to have a warm bath.
Our water heater broke and the repairman can't come until Monday.
I feel like I'm Laura Ingalls Wilder in Little House on the Prarie.
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| trust me. everyone is less mysterious that they think they are. |
[22 Oct 2005|11:56pm] |
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mood |
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 inspired |
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I want my own apartment to decorate how I please with bright colours that make me smile everytime I walk in the room. I want to remember what it was like to dream big and think the world was my oyster and I was the gleaming pearl in it. I want coffee every morning just how I like it, two creams and two sugars. I want the constancy of waking up each morning knowing that I will be happy. I want to be surrounded by life and laughter and love. I want a kitten. I want to have an epiphany. I want to take a roadtrip across the country. I want to feel interconnected with the rest of humanity. I want to read the paper everyday. I want to photograph what I see as the beauty in everyday life. I want to wake up next to you no matter where you are.
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| loveydove post |
[22 Oct 2005|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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 procrastinating... |
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music |
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Thunderclap Newman - Something in the Air |
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i love my boy. so so much. :D
</eyeballrolling>
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| raindrops keep falling on my head |
[19 Oct 2005|06:41pm] |
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mood |
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 irritated |
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Excellent.
Falling down that flight of stairs definitely perked up my day.
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| ///love vignette two/// |
[18 Oct 2005|02:19pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Ryan Adams - Wish You Were Here |
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The moment I knew we truly fit was not a grand event with fireworks and explosions going off in my head. Instead, it was a small and silly moment that most people would find insignificant, but to me it spoke volumes of truth.
I sat on top of him, straddled over his hips. My boy, even though he was really more a man and less a boy. He was all sharp cheek bones and dirty blonde hair and cautious, knowing smiles. He grabbed my hands and interlocked them with his. My left hand and his right followed closely by his left and my right.
"Ew.. that feels weird."
His left and my right. We unlinked them, both making sour faces at each other.
"This feels right."
I felt a squeeze in my left hand. I squeezed back twice as hard.
"How come this side feels weird?"
We locked and interlocked hands in different ways until satisfied that for some reason beyond our control those hands, his left and my right, didn't feel right.
I looked down at our hands that fit. Perfect. Seamless. But most of all, right.
"I guess these hands just like each other better."
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| ///coffee vignette 1/// |
[15 Oct 2005|08:39pm] |
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mood |
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 melancholy |
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music |
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Iron and Wine - Cinders and Smoke |
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I turned eighteen a month ago and now I put a half a pill in my mouth each morning in hopes that my skewed vision of the world will correct itself. I started to smoke because it's the only thing that keeps my frayed nerves calm.
I'm sitting there. Outside of the local coffee shop with my medium double-double and cigarette dangling from my fingers with nails bitten down to the quick. It's a chilly autumn day. The first in a long succession of days that will only get colder and colder until it begins to snow and the world will finally be frozen over. The newly-fallen leaves are blowing without any direction mimicking the way my thoughts tumble through my head without any sense of purpose.
"Hi."
"Hey."
An man who walks with a limp and a cane approaches me. His maladies disguise his real age. It looks as though the world has given him a bit of beating through the few decades he's been on Earth, but he speaks as though he has been around for more than a few.
"There's a rainbow over there. Thought I'd come over to show it to you. Don't know if you can see it, but it's definitely there."
Do I look so sad and pathetic sitting here that this man felt it his duty to come over and brighten my day? I look over my shoulder and see it stretched across the sky. It's faint, but it's beginning to get stronger as the storm clouds journey on to a new town. The man pulls out his pack of Belmont milds and looks at me expectantly.
"I had to come around to the side here. My girl, she works inside, doesn't like me smoking that much."
"So you hide it from her?"
"No, no. She knows. I don't hide anything from her. Hiding and lying. Those are the two worst things you can do."
I nod in agreement and poise another cigarette between my lips ready to be lit.
"That rainbow. Y'know, it's important to look at the beauty that happens around us everyday. I never used to do that when I was younger, not that I'm an old man or anything. It's just I never used to care much. I thought there were more important things in the world. And now, it's one of my biggest regrets."
A smile comes to my chapped lips. The first in quite a few days if I can remember correctly. I wonder, if this man can see beauty in a world that seems to want to destroy everything that beauty stands for, then why can't I?
Maybe it all begins with a rainbow.
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| contradictions |
[11 Oct 2005|11:58pm] |
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mood |
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depressed |
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And my happiness flew right out through the window...
I don’t care if monday’s blue
Tuesday’s grey and wednesday too
Thursday I don’t care about you
It’s friday I’m in love
I need to figure myself out.
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[11 Oct 2005|12:29am] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
] |
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music |
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Feist - Mushaboom |
] |
( HAPPINESS IS... )
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